cheloya: (HP >> ALWAYS)
She passed away last night, ostensibly in her sleep. The funeral is on Thursday. I was fine up until I started calling around to Dad's side of the family to tell them that she's gone, and now I am slightly a mess. If I did not have to actually say the words to people without SMS, it would not be so much of an issue. I can retain composure while I type. I suppose it's silly to attempt to, though.

We have to go shopping so that we have something to wear, but that really ought not to happen today.

But I am avoiding the real issue, which is this:

Oomee was amazing. She was, in many ways, the perfect grandmother. She baked, she crocheted, she knitted, she cooked amazing meals and had warm, enveloping hugs and loved her husband and her children and her children's children, and their children, and delighted in all of us. She did silly funny things like give me full blocks of chocolate for my birthday and then complain about how "mungie" (moon-jee) my legs were getting. She and Oopee were and are the original amazingly embarrassingly in love couple, and have been as long as I remember.

I have a blanket that she made just for me; it's lavender and purple and mauve and pale pink and pale blue, with tassels on both ends. Everyone in the family has one, in different colours, except for my brother, because by the time she got around to people of his age, the dementia had already stolen her ability to make them.

I'm desperately sad that she never got to see me as happy with Darrin as she has always been with Oopee. She would have rubbed his arms appreciatively, because that is what she did, and she would have fed him food so delicious that nothing I ever made could compare. And she would have been glad that I'd found someone I loved, because of all the people in my family, she and Oopee knew (and know) that that is the important thing, regardless of stupid social rules.

She was awesome, you guys, and I didn't spend enough time with her because she and Oopee lived a long way away. I'm not guilty about that, because neither of them needed their grandkids around to have a good time. But I'm sad I didn't spend more time in her presence.
cheloya: (FF7 >> momma tifa)
They've taken Oomee off food and water; she is now driven entirely by morphine. I sat with her today, along with mum, my aunts, my vagrant uncle, and Oopee.

He realised that his wife of sixty plus years was dying, really dying, at about four o' clock this afternoon. I think it is appalling that adults feel the need to apologise for crying while preparing for and dealing with a loss like this, especially adults as passionate and gentle as my grandfather.

She doesn't know or even really see any of us, but she still recognises and visibly calms when she hears his voice.

I don't expect her to last more than a few days. I hope her sister makes it to her bedside in time. I'm not sure whether to hope Oopee is with her when she goes or not, but I suspect he wants to be.

How long he wants to be anywhere after that is anyone's guess.

[EDIT] Mum asked me if I wanted to sing at her funeral. I want to, but I'll shatter, but fuck anyone who thinks I shouldn't.

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cheloya

June 2013

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